When part of you wants recovery… and part of you doesn’t

Hello, as Eating Disorder Awareness week 2026 draws to a close, I’d like to talk about something that many people experience, but don’t always say out loud.

Part of you wants things to be different.

And part of you really doesn’t.

If you’re living with an eating disorder, this internal tug-of-war can feel exhausting. One moment you might long for freedom from the constant thoughts about food, weight, or control. The next, the idea of change can feel frightening, destabilising, or even impossible.

This isn’t weakness. It isn’t failure. It’s ambivalence because of fear — and it’s very common.

Understanding ambivalence

Eating disorders develop for a reason. They can provide a sense of safety, control, identity, or relief from overwhelming emotions. Even when they cause distress, they may also feel protective.

So when someone says, “I don’t know if I want to recover” what they are often really saying is: “I’m scared of what I might lose.”

You might worry about:

• Losing control

• Gaining weight - and facing possible rejection

• Facing emotions without your usual coping strategies

• Letting go of something that is familiar and experiencing something new

  
  

At the same time, you might feel:

• Tired of the constant mental noise

• Frustrated by how much space the eating disorder takes up

• A longing for more energy, clarity, or peace

• A desire for a richer or fuller life

  
  

Both parts can exist together.

Recovery doesn’t usually begin with certainty. It often begins with simply noticing the conflict.

Listening to both parts

Instead of trying to silence the part that feels resistant, it can be helpful to get curious about it.

You might gently ask yourself:

• What is this part afraid of?

• What does it believe the eating disorder protects me from?

• What feels risky about change?

  
  

And then you might ask the other part:

• What am I hoping for?

• What feels unsustainable about staying the same?

• What small shift would feel manageable right now?

  
  

Recovery doesn’t have to mean leaping into the unknown. Sometimes it means taking one small, steady step — even while uncertainty is still present.

Ambivalence is not the opposite of recovery. It is often the beginning of it.

A gentle reflection to sit with

You might like to consider:

What feels frightening about change? And what feels exhausting about staying the same?

You don’t need to solve anything straight away. Just noticing can be enough for now.

For those supporting someone who says, “I don’t want to recover.”

Hearing those words can feel devastating.

It’s natural to want to persuade, argue, or urgently convince. But pushing harder can sometimes strengthen resistance.

If someone says they don’t want to recover, it can help to respond with curiosity rather than confrontation.

You might say:

• “Can you help me understand what feels scary about that?”

• “What feels safer about staying as things are?”

• “What would need to feel different for change to seem possible?”

  
  

Validating fear does not mean agreeing with the eating disorder. It means recognising that something feels threatening.

A calm, steady presence often does more than forceful logic.

Staying compassionate, calm, consistent and quietly confident in the possibility of recovery can reduce the intensity of the internal struggle.

To close:

If you’re feeling pulled in two directions, you are not broken. You are navigating something complex.

Change doesn’t require certainty, it requires safety.

If you’d like space to explore these conflicting parts in a steady and respectful way, you’re welcome to begin with a free enquiry call. There’s no pressure and no obligation — just a conversation.

Take care of yourself this week,

Tanya

Mental Health Nurse | Eating Disorder Support TLC Eating Disorder Support

WhatsApp +44 7981 577521 or welcome@tlceatingdisordersupport.com